guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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