Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
