I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Please don't give away my fajitas
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