new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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