How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
