god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
