She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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