recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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