In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
