I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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