Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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