I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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