My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
