i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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