just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
