I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are we still banned from the library?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
