That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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