My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
