I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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