Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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