Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just pee around me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
