I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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