Cold hands, warm shart.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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