dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
