sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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