We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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