You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
