SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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