I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
