A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
