My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Randomize
