it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
