my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
