just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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