Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
