if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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