Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
