Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
third nipple confirmed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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