Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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