i would punch a child for taco bell
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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