My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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