i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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