he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
