i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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