I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
