I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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