That's intense
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
