The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
