So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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