He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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