Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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