Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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