I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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