would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
