I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
