I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Success! We fucked roommates!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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