so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
