She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
