No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
