she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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